Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you
back when you hang up on him. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show
you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your
hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly
reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to
have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says,
"...that's her."

That was totally nerdy, but I still thought it was sweet and I enjoyed it because Bo always says, "That's her." It made my arms tingle.

Here is my obsession of the day: painting. I am not a very good painter, mind you, but I still enjoy reading and reasearching all about other artists. This is what I have concluded so far:

I enjoy the work of George Caleb Bingham because he painted such clear pictures. "The Jolly Flatboatmen" was such a vivid painting you could almost see it coming straight to life. I would parellel his work to Normal Rockwell, with perhaps a little bit more realistic facial features.

I also enjoy the works of Umberto Boccioni because the colors are so vivid. This artist was born in Italy 1882. He became involved in the literary Futurist movement.

Adolphe William Bouguereau painted the sweet painting, "First Kiss". I only enjoy this painting of his, and he was one of the few French-born artists I actually enjoy. I enjoy this painting for it's porcelain-white quality. I also like how it expresses true innocence.

An interesting painting is by this woman named Martha Moore. She was born in the mid 1940's in the US. Her famous painting is called "Barefoot Prodigy" and is quite the interesting painting. You can view this painting by clicking HERE.

My favorite artist, however, is Johannes Vermeer. His paintings are so well done. They capture my curiosity in some strange way. I am no art expert whatsoever, so this is all really uneducated, but the thing that impresses me about "The Milkmaid" is the detail. The colors in her dress are so carefully painted, and the colors on the wall in the background are toned just right. He mainly painted women looking out this window or near this window.

You'll have to go look at his work. It's really amazing.

A friend just called. She wants to go on a walk with me in about an hour. I have this sick feeling that things are not so okay.

-Beth

I woke up with the sharpest stomach pains today I've had in a long time. They hurt like the dickens. I know it's just a combination of stress and my lovely Acid Reflux Disease (eww, gross). I didn't go to church. I really felt guilty, but I ended up sleeping till about 2:00 when I finally got up and switched laundry loads. My family came home about an hour later, and I ate a hashbrown and that's all my poor stomach could down.

Now I just ate a whole taco salad and my stomach is aching.

Gosh, darnit. I hate how I've been sick so much lately.

-Beth

I am feeling a little bit better today. Much less depressed, that's for sure, but more physically sick. I've had a serious stomach and headache ever since I woke up, and it feels suspiciously like a flu.

Last night, I comprised a list of reasons to bother getting out of bed this morning. Here was the list:
1. Someone has to feed the goldfish

That's really sad. I need to get out of bed for the sole purpose of feeding my fish. My family was talking last night about selling the fish tank (fish included! Super Duper!) and I just felt terrible about it. "No, way, Jose!" I said. Man, those fish are the reason I get up in the morning. Literally.

Rick said something on my comments page yesterday. "But God took care of me, and he'll take care of you too. You know that." That's what he said..."you know that." Yeah, I do now. Thank you for reminding me. (And thanks for the prayers, cyn)

I just need to go feed my fish. I miss my Bo.

-Beth

I am finding myself utterly depressed with our money situation. We are on the verge of losing our car, we are selling a bunch of our stuff tomorrow, we are about to lose our internet, we have no grocery money and we have no gas money. And I am depressed about it. I am having this hard time knowing that God is going to take care of us and it's just klling me.

I keep wondering where God is, and why He isn't watching us. But yet, I know in my head that He is. Why is faith something that is so hard to grasp? I just need to pray. I just need to get in the scriptures.

But mainly, I just need to cry.

Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

WHAT? Kerry ACTUALLY WANTS US TO START PULLING RECORDS OUT? A-MAZING!!

Lol.

Gahhhh! I am SOOO grumpy!

I heard this quote a little while back and I absolutely adored it. The reason I loved this quote so much is that it reminded me of people's desire to have peace. It seems almost as if the only thing the world can focus on is peace. Think about it- Miss America contestants are constantly advocating world peace:) Liberals have the peace sign all over their houses, cars and persons. They have "No More War" stickers on the back of the car. But to me, it seems that the worldly view of what peace actually is really very distorted. People so very much believe that peace is just the absence of conflict. I read this devotional today, and it made me think of this quote.

( Read more... )

Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.
- Mark Twain


Where words fail, music speaks.
- Hans Christian Andersen (1805-1875) Danish short-story writer, poet


Sometimes dreams alter the course of an entire life.
--Judith Duerk

The most beautiful music of all is the music of what happens.
- Irish proverb

I had a friend come over for a couple of days. It was really nice. It's kind of strange because we don't talk that much, but we do lot's of other things together and we get a long really well. I mean, when was the last time you spent an afternoon playing board and card games? I'm telling you, it's so much fun. Then we'd go on a walk or whatever, come home, talk about choral music and music theory- the two things we do talk about the most. Then we'd watch movies all night. It was a lot of fun and really very relaxing. It's kind of odd to have a friend that you don't really talk to but enjoy spending quiet time with. It's really very strange.

We played several games of Scrabble. That's one game I could most definitely improve in. I won the first two times we played, but the problem is that I have to have a dictionary because I make words up that I use in real life and don't know if they are real or not. For example, I quite frequently use the word "jarble". And it's not a real word. Just FYI. In case this post encourages you to play Scrabble:)

Well, I am getting tired.

-Beth

worthy

1. Having worth, merit, or value; useful or valuable.
2. Honorable; admirable: a worthy fellow.
3. Having sufficient worth; deserving: worthy to be revered; worthy of acclaim.

What does being worthy mean? I often think about that when I dig into the scriptures. I find verses such as those in Ephesians 4:1-5 that say: "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

And it shows, right after the urge to live a life worthy, how we are to do that. But is that it? It makes me think about my life. Am I worthy of the gospel? Am I worthy of salvation? I know that I'm not, because I am a sinner, but with Christ's grace I can be.

What are my standards? What do I daily need to be doing to make sure I am living a life worthy of the calling?

This morning I found the verses in Matthew 10:37-38 that say: "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." So the real question lies in where my priorities are...am I taking up my cross daily? Am I stuffing my life with family and friends and not Christ?

That's something I am going to spend more time thinking about.

----

We are going to church this evening instead of this morning because of our gas money situation. I really very much dislike having no money, but it really is just a test of our faith. And at least we'll take communion this evening.

----

In other news, I haven't really heard from my fellow friend in a few days. I wonder what he's up to.

----

Well, I'm off.

Beth

Is it strange that I am excited about the fact that total cumulative posts per minute round out to be a palindrome? I think it is. There must be something wrong with me.

Well, I'm getting off for the night. And my stomach has that strange "something catastrophically bad is going to happen or has already happened feeling". I hate it.

Good night.

-Beth

I was doing something on diaryland, and when I went to do it, there was this button that said "make changes". And I laughed at it. It was kind of a funny idea, pushing a button online that says, "make changes". I found myself wishing life were that easy. That we could all just push buttons and suddenly we'd make the changes we needed to make in life. I know that if I could just push a button I'd be less cold hearted towards some people's situations. I know that I'd be more proactive towards setting things right with people. I know that I wouldn't go to bed at night without reflecting on things I could have done to hurt people in the duration of the day, and I would also consider ways to make it right. I know I'd be less upset about the past, confident in the present and look to the future with faith. I know I'd be more proud of the decisions I have carefully made in my life this year. I know I wouldn't be so hard on myself. I'd be more giving, less impatient and more encouraging to those around me.

But I just can't push a button. I wish I could, but I can't. I know these are things I have to put effort into. I can't just expect things to just change.

Another thing I thought was kind of funny is this: I had a bunch of numbers on my speed dial to people I didn't talk to any longer. I went to take them off, because I needed the extra room for new numbers. And as I deleted each number a little screen popped up that said, "Erase Memory? Yes, No" I thought that was kind of funny too. As if we could just erase those people's memories. I felt like putting the antenna to my temple and saying click "yes". Maybe that would help ease the pain.

But, like the fact that you can't push a button to change, you can't push a button and forget about someone. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes forgiveness and it takes growth on your part.

Oh, but how wonderful it might be if all the things that were so difficult to us could be so easily solved with just a mere "push of the button".

I don't ever miss people till I dream about them, and then when I do dream about them, I miss them more than you could ever imagine.

And I hate missing that person more than anything in the world.

Today, I have math tutoring and I really just hate math. Frankly, I just don't understand. A+B(xyz+ete+lmnop)-(-145) to the second power + 87 cubed. Gah! I don't get it! Why can't my left spectrum of the brain be more developed? Instead I am left clinging to what miniscule amounts of talent that I have in communications and other English related things. Why do I have to be a woman? Men generally tend to understand mather better. Not that I am saying it'd be better to be a man, I'm just saying...it would be great to have some measure of Mad Man Math Skills. I'm telling you, people.

So, I love how the Clinton's are back to being involved in everything again. Seriously, people- the IDIOCY. People keep saying that Hilary's not going to win the presidency, but all those people are bird brains. Literally. They forget everything they learned the previous day when they awaken the next morning. In three years down the road, everyone is going to be SO excited when Hilary runs for president. "There's a WOMAN running for presidency," they're all going to squawk, "the first woman president!" Sometimes I wonder if it would matter if it were Hilary Clinton or Pamela Anderson. The loopy people of this country just want their woman president.

Needless to say, if Hilary makes it past the primaries, I am going to be out in the cold rallying for anyone who isn't Hilary. I'll be voting for anyone who isn't Hilary. I'll be sporting bumper stickers on my car saying, "Anyone who isn't Hilary 2008". I don't want her to become president.

I wonder if this country will come through for me on this. Hil does have some things hindering her. A) She's a terrible speech maker. The people love someone who sounds good. B) She is very ill-tempered. One massive blunder during the campaigning year of 2008 and she's in trouble. C) Her husband is Bill. No matter how you cut the cake, the majority of Americans know that Bill is in idiot. He's almost the lowest you can go on the favoritism ladder (he's a liar, white and he's male- the only thing he could do to make his position worse would be to become a conservative), and I think he's going to be a blotch on her campain. D) People already don't like her. If they can remember for the next three years how much they dislike her (which will be difficult, I know) then I really don't think she'll make it.

I just wish I had more faith that Americans will remember that she is a dimwit.